What Happened to the Woman I Married?

Have you ever been close to someone who you thought you really knew but who, in one particular situation, proves to be a completely different person?

That’s my current situation and it’s…weird. It’s weird. I should be angrier than I am, but I’m more just confused about what’s happening.

The basic story is I’m getting a divorce. It was a long time coming, and when the decision came, it wasn’t at all unexpected. The discussion was civil. I’m not going to claim there weren’t tears and some angry words, but overall, we talked like we always talk. It was agreed between the both of us that there were just too many issues that we didn’t see eye to eye on and that the spark that held us together had just fizzled out. We even agreed to be friends. It was about as good as you could hope.

I mean, it really was inevitable. I want kids and she doesn’t. I always thought that would change, that some sort of maternal instinct would kick in, but she still doesn’t want them, and I think she honestly never will. She wants to travel, and I want to settle. We’re just in completely different places with completely different priorities. I can see now that we had a perfect relationship for our twenties, but now our thirties are here, it just wasn’t ever going to work out.

But I really did honestly think we’d be able to stay friends in all this. I thought that, in fact, until the other day, when we got down to the specifics of the divorce. Turns out, we don’t agree on anything there either, and unlike the actual break up of the marriage, there wasn’t a lot of friendly feeling to go around.

I think we fought over every piece of furniture, over the cars (she wants both for some reason), even over my dog (who she never liked and who I brought into the relationship). I wanted to talk to her privately about all this, but I was told it wasn’t for the best. So, I can’t know for sure, but I’m beginning to suspect she didn’t actually take the break up quite as smoothly as she let on.

Could I have misread her feelings? I don’t know. I thought she wanted this as well or I wouldn’t have brought it up. I’m the kind of guy to go on suffering silently if I think it’ll make someone else happy. We’d still be together if I thought she’d be happier that way.

Maybe it’s just a temporary hiccup. Maybe she needs to get it out of her system.

But, since I don’t know that for sure, I have to start investigating contested divorces and find out exactly how those work. I hope we can walk back from this point. I hope I can still save our friendship, but at this point, it seems like she just wants to burn everything down. I’m grateful right now that we didn’t have kids together.

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